Am I really going to law school?

It's been a while again, but I'm in the mood to put some thoughts down so that I can remember them in the future. My thinking has been disjointed lately, so I just want to get some thoughts down. Some of my posts are for people who will read this, but this post is for me.

Work has been good. I still love what I do, and even more than before, I love the people. The honeymoon with the job ended a month or two ago when I realized how inefficient we are, and when I started seeing easily preventable mistakes repeatedly. I don't mind when people make mistakes, even big ones. Heck knows I make enough of them...but some of these mistakes are incredibly stupid. And what bugs me is that, in this line of work, they snowball. By the time someone finds a problem, they have to spend an hour to get to the root of what caused it. Then they spend another hour fixing it. Keeps us busy I guess.

I'm happily getting closer to some of my co-workers. A couple of them are people that I am actually coming to count on as friends. It's good, because the time since college has left my social circle a little, well, empty. I have friends, but I feel like various things have chipped away at the relationships that sustained me through college. Sometimes you just need to get things out. Thank god for happy hour conversations.

On other fronts, my girlfriend has been away for about 4 weeks, and it's killing me. If she were gone longer, I don't think I could do it. I'm not a long-distance relationship person; I don't like talking on the phone. Time zones are a pain. And the apartment is empty. It has been disastrous for my mental health and has been a very large back step.She's back in a little over a week, and it can't come soon enough. If it lasted longer it literally would be killing me.

Some of the law school applications are in, and I have to say, this process has been a pain. The personal statement was the single most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. I ended up submitting something that I hate. I don't like having to walk on eggshells about what I think or how I describe myself. I hate having to sugar-coat my immaturity and my mistakes. I hate having to watch my language so that I don't offend someone and reveal that I'm probably not ready for law school.

Am I ready? I don't know. I'm bored and I'm ready to get back to school, but I know that as soon as I get there I'll revert to old habits from undergrad. It will be a challenge, but I think I can handle that aspect. I still question some of my motives for becoming an attorney, but it would be unhealthy if I didn't question my motivations for such a major life decision. It's becoming more and more obvious to me that being an advocate is a fundamental part of who I am. And knowing that is all I need to feel confident that my decision will be the right one.

I've highlighted some areas of my personality and lifestyle that I think still need improvement. Ideas have been percolating about things I can do to feel better, mentally and physically. One of the largest is to explore some new hobbies. There's a lot of inertia here; playing video games has been my primary hobby most of my life. It's easy to boot up WoW or Battlefield and let my mind numb over the course of the evening. I certainly still enjoy it, though I'm clearly growing out of some aspects. I have less patience for bad games now, and I think that's ultimately a good thing. However, I still feel that need to find hobbies that can help me hit some goals for clearing up some deficiencies in my satisfaction with life. There's still more work I need to do on this. More later.

Terraria and I HATE COMPUTERS

So as I write this, the second episode of 8-Bit Hipster is finally being uploaded. I had some trouble getting it to encode into stereo sound correctly. After I beat that dragon, then my web host went down for 48 hours. Seriously? So much for getting the podcast up before the weekend. After fighting with file names, things are finally almost ready. Thanks computer. Things don't break when you don't need them.

Fortunately, I was able to drown my frustrations in the subterranean adventures of Terraria. Yes, it's a lot like Minecraft. No, it's way better than Minecraft. Seriously, the two are apples to oranges; Minecraft is more like Legos, Terraria is like a video game. Notch and the Minecraft team could learn a few things about delivering a finished game. I doubt Minecraft will ever get finished. At least Terraria feels complete.

If you've played Minecraft, you're familiar with the formula of Terraria. Dig holes, collected minerals and resources, build and make things, and generally enjoy exploring the underworld. There are a lot more enemies in Terraria, however, and a lot more natural cave formations, so exploring is a lot more interesting. Did I mention the grappling hook rules?

There are a few other areas where Terraria excels. While Minecraft is rumored to be getting NPCs in the next patch, Terraria already has them. When you meet certain conditions in your game world, semi-helpful NPCs will come live in your world. It's got the biomes and underground jungle as well. And boss fights. Can't forget those. It's a charming little game. So charming that I spent 7 hours playing it yesterday without realizing it. Thank goodness for 3 day weekends.

Have a safe Independence Day!

The President's Speech




Independence Day

— MOVIECLIPS.com

"Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!"

-President Thomas Whitmore

New Podcast

Achievement unlocked! I finally conned someone into making a podcast with me! I've wanted to do this for months. Last Sunday, Mike and I finally decided to do an impromptu show to get the ball rolling.

You can listen to it here: 8-Bit Hipster


Show notes are over on the 8-Bit Hipster site. I think it turned out pretty well all things considered. Plus it was fun. It took for ever to edit. Plenty of learned lessons for next week.

Where does time go? Work, apparently

When I started this blog, I expected to build a habit of writing on here daily. I did a pretty okay job for a while, but somewhere along the lines, I kinda stopped. I guess I didn't have anything to say. I suppose this happens to anyone who journals or blogs at some point. Still, being able to look back at my train of thought over time is interesting, and so I'm going to try to get on it and post more.

What have I been up to? The biggest news is that I am now gainfully employed by a legal services company. The pay is decent, the job is interesting, and the people are fun. It's something that makes going to work really easy. Okay, no point in lying, I love my job. Not necessarily what I do, but the entire context of the experience of being employed by this particular company. I don't want to drop too many details as the company has asked me not too. Nothing wrong with a wall between personal and professional life.

Why do I like this job? It's intellectually gratifying; I solve puzzles and put out fires all day long. It keeps me on my toes. The people are fantastic; my co-workers are fun to be around and make the work easy. Add to that I do a lot of phone work...it keeps me dealing with people. Add to that the management and policies don't really get in my way, and they let me do my job. These are the things I value in employment. Unfortunately, I'm just a temp. Who knows how long it could last.

I'm not going to let that worry me because I'll be headed to law school soon enough. Speaking of which, I should get on that personal statement. I don't know what to write, not that that isn't cliche or anything. How exactly does one present themselves as a capable individual without trying too hard? I suspect that this isn't something that's really possible to catch in a personal statement.

Review: Portal 2

Okay, so I was skeptical about Portal 2. I was worried it would be a let down, a little mad about the price point, and curious how the story would go. Luckily, I can report it is a fun game. It captures much of the charm of the first game. I wanted to write a little review to compare the two games on a few points.

Story: The story in portal one was pretty short, given it was a tech demo. We met GLaDOS and Chell, learn a bit about of Aperture's history, and see the setting both behind the scenes and in the testing chamber. Portal two has a full story, thankfully, and is told in the same way as the first game-character exposition and pictographs. The story Introduces Wheatly, another AI ball, and most of the story involves he and GLaDOS's strugle to control Aperture Labs. Over all the story was well done, it was told in an interesting way, and it kept me entertained.

Winner: Portal 2

Puzzles: Portal 1's puzzles got us thinking with portals, and showed off what the game could do. Portal 2 takes off running where Portal 1 left off, and adds in a bunch of new mechanics as well. As a result some of the puzzles seemed harder than Portal 1 . A few puzzles stumped me for quite a bit, but I realized afterwards that I was over-thinking the puzzles. As a result people who don't over-think will likely find it easier than I did, possibly with a similar difficulty to Portal 1.

Winner: Portal 2

Length: Portal one was short, sweet, and to the point. It went on long enough not to feel empty, but short enough that it left you wanting more. Portal 2 is *MUCH* longer, I'd say approaching the length of Half-Life 2. I'm not going to lie, I got bored. Portal 2 was actually too long. I think they could have easily cut a chapter or two out, and it wouldn't have hurt the experience a bit. I think the length hurt the story, though it did allow a better development of the history of Aperture Labs. You'll get a game that will take you about 8 hours to beat, not including multi-player. All in all Valve has packed the game full of content, but 2/3rds of the way through, I just wanted it to be over. Not exactly a good thing.

Winner: Portal 1

Price: Portal 2 is not worth $50, at least without having played the multi-player. I'd pay $30-$40 max, and only because I expect the multiplayer to help prop the game up a bit. Although after the single player campaign, I'm going to stay away from multiplayer for a while. As a result It's hard for me to justify the cost of the game. It doesn't help that Portal 1 was part of the best deal of all time, but Portal 2 was overpriced.

Winner: Portal 1


Ending Song: Still Alive cannot be beaten. They tried, and failed.

Winner: Portal 1

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Overall Winner: Tie.


Both games are great games, and anyone who enjoyed the first will love the second. Overlong, but an interesting ,fun game. Don't pay full price for it?

Winter Slows Me Down

It's been almost a year since I've posted anything here; time moves fast, you forget about things that do not become habit. Unfortunately, when this happens I tend to lose an opportunity for catharsis. In this case, I tend to also lose an outlet for creative expression.

When times are good, and my mind is healthy, the act of writing is one of creation. It allows the mind to focus on a subject in an orderly method of expressing itself. It's also damn fun. I can write about my life experience both as a way to look back and a way to share my life with others. When times are bad, writing lets me refocus and center myself. It was an important aspect of getting through some rough patches in the past.

With these ideas in mind, it seem to be a good time to return to the blog, both because it's been so long, and because winter tends to express itself as a rough patch for me. I'm an easy victim of Seasonal Affective Disorder(SAD). I slow down in the winter, become less productive, and sleep more. My mood dips, and living life gets replaced by rumination existential folly. Rather than attempting to wade productively through my philosophical musings, winter brings with it a tendency to become cynical and brooding. I'm feeling it now, just as usual.

While my new year's resolution was to maintain a healthy sleep schedule (as a way to maintain a healthy medicine schedule), I find myself sleeping much more than I intend to. When there are less than 12 hours a day of Sunlight, it's rather easy to do this. My problem is that I tend to sleep during these hours, exacerbating the problem.

My current game plan to beat the slow down is to prepare and eventually move faster. Do more when I feel like doing less. I hope the momentum will carry me through into spring. If not, there's always the 10,000 lux Sunbox that's sitting around.

Hello 2011. It's good to meet you :)

Book Bites: What I've been Reading

Here's some thoughts about what I've been reading lately:

The Autobiography of an Execution
by David R. Dow

Dow's book provides an insider perspective to the life of someone who spends his time attempting to get murders out of the death penalty. Dow recounts a tale about how he came to believe one of his clients was actually innocent, and how he and his team dealt with the defense, and eventual execution of their client. A must read for anyone who supports the death penalty. Dow provides a deeply serious look at how our justice system defers the responsibility from all involved so that putting people to death becomes an easy decision, even if the facts or even the law itself is on the side of the convicted.


Manliness
by Professor Harvey C. Mansfield

This book is an interesting, yet problematic discourse on the place of "manliness." On one hand, Dr. Mansfield accurately describes the need for "manliness" as an ideological scaffold through which young boys and adolescents can grow in to responsible members of society. "Manliness" as a virtue lays the groundwork for how a "manly man" can act in society. The problem is, this notion isn't really gendered at all. While Mansfield clumsily relates science and evolutionary biology to the task at determining what manliness is and how it's different from womanliness, his own examples and even his definition of manliness (assertiveness and courage in the face of risk) fail to show how manliness is a distinctly male virtue. At that point, we might as well rely on virtues that already exist, such as assertiveness or courage, rather than apply a needless gender sterotype. While I can agree we should teach young PEOPLE to strive for these goals, I'm not sure calling it manliness really has any practical value.

Letters to a Young Lawyer (Art of Mentoring)
by Alan M. Dershowitz

An interesting, if somewhat disheartening, read from an insider in the criminal defense game. Dershowitz confirmed a few of my fears about the law profession, but has motivated me to seriously consider criminal law. A quick read detailing Dershowitz's musings on how to be a good advocate, a good member of the criminal law process, and a good person. Light on detail or advice at times, this book did provoke more than a few interesting thoughts on how our society structures law.